This blog has mostly been about my journey through pregnancy and motherhood – mostly the joys (and not so joyous) events that occur surrounding Caleb. This is my first brutally honest post about what is happening for me right now.
Many of you know I am a working mom. During my non-Caleb hours I work as an Infant Development Consultant from 9am-4:45pm. Surrounding these hours I drop Caleb off and pick him up, and 3 or four times a week I also drop off and pick up Adam. It makes for a long day. I am also enrolled in two University courses right now. When I finish these I will have completed my diploma in Special Education from UBC. It is a lot of work and a lot of money. I have also set out a personal goal to get back into shape and take care of myself again. This means I’m running three times a week (or at least trying to), as well as other forms of exercise and eating right – which entitles lots of meal prep. One top of that I try to get the house cleaned up – that I’m not doing to welll in. Lately I have been feeling like I’m about to crack. With everything going on, it leaves little down time.
The pressure is also on us to have another child. Everyone’s favorite question is about when Caleb will be a big brother. I want this more than anything. So badly I want to be able to give Caleb a playmate, someone he can share with, learn from and teach. Someone I can love as much as I love my little boy. Watching half the people I know get pregnant right now, is tough on me. Emotionally we are ready. We know now that Caleb is ready. Financially we aren’t even close. This is something we discuss and debate and fight about, alot. In order for us to have another child and still enjoy our lifestyle we need to save money for when I am on maternity leave. This was much easier in our condo.
I have been toying for years with starting my own photography business, and announcement business… those of you who have gotten a Caleb birthday invite, Christmas card, Valentine card or Easter card should know what I am talking about. I know starting this business would be hard, and time consuming, but would also allow us some of the finacial freedom for me to take a year off on materity. But with everything else that is happening in my life, I realize this just isn’t a possibility at this time.
So for now, something’s gotta give… and that something is my dream of having a big family. Right now we can’t do it.
This house has cost us a lot. Not only the amount of mortgage we have to pay, but the extra gas, the extra bills, the extra everything. We just can afford it.
So for now Caleb is going to remain an only child, and I have to slowly shove things off my full plate.
This also means that the blog will be neglected for a while. I don’t have the time to put the effort I want into this website.
Thank you to everyone who has read and commented. I’d really love to hear some comments and feedback on this post. (I know we aren’t AmandaandBrett popular… but it would still be nice to see comments that people do care).
And can I please request that people stop asking me about another baby for now. It is a raw and emotional hurt that I am having trouble dealing with.
Maybe one day….
But today something is gotta give…